Thursday, January 24, 2013

NBC Soap "Days" looks at gay men having and (probably) raising children: It's "real life"


Here is something I don’t remember covering:  Have most, or many, gay men had sex with a woman at least once? 

There’s not much on the Internet that is definitive.  Here’s Datalounge forum link on the issue. 

And here’s a Yahoo! answers forum link.

When I was living in New York City in the 1970s, indeed some men told me that they never had “crossed the line”.  Indeed, that is true of me.
   
It’s hard to estimate percentages.  Are “masculine personalities” (in Rosenfels theory) more likely to have done so?

Are men who appear physically competitive (and that’s somewhat in the eye of the beholder) more likely to have done so?  My own impression, not very scientific, is, yes.

There is a short film on the topic, “Gayby”, which I have seen; I haven’t seen the featured made from it.  (See movies blog, Sept. 12, 2010.)

In the soap opera “Days of our Lives”, Will Horton (who is supposed to be 19, and is played by Chandler Massey) started a “relationship” with Sonny Kiriakas (Freddie Smith)  last fall.  But, partly in order to please his father (Lucas) that he is a “man”, Will had relations with an old high school girl frield Gab n a sudden encounter.  Pregnancy resulted.  Another character, Nick Fallon (his is a long story, and the writers made a formerly likable geek a jerk)  wants to marry Gabi and raise the child as his. (Neither Will nor Nick understand how Gabi harmed Melanie and Chad, and that’s another subplot. This is a long, typically complicated soap opera plot that can play the ”gay boy” angle, maybe for ratings.  Readers can go to “Soap Opera Fan” (link) for details.)  

The interesting point is that Will (and Chandler Massey has succeeded in getting audiences to really bond with the character) had “come out” (through a long, convoluted sequence) and then suddenly consummated a relationship with Gabi, which he apparently never done before when he was actually dating her.  Will goes along with Nick’s desire to let Nick pretend it is his, but then changes his mind after Chad forces the issue.  Nick makes a lot of protecting his pregnant bride-to-me and the life within, but suddenly Will, when he goes to the sonogram, feels attached to the baby, although not to Gabi.
  
It’s interesting to me that I’ve never experienced comparable feelings.  I tried heterosexual dating for about five months in the latter part of 1971, with two women, about ten dates.  Nothing close to any kind of intimacy ever happened.  And I don’t detect the capacity in myself for these sorts of feelings as I see with Nick and now Will in “Days”.
   
Maybe there is something to the “epigenetics” and hypothalamus theory, that leads some men not to feel much instinct for reproduction and their own biological potential.  But Will seems to have that link, but his capacity for an intense erotic and emotional relationship with another adult seems separated from reproduction, perhaps based on polarity (although between Will and Sonny, I can’t tell who is masculine and who is feminine in Rosenfels terminology.  Both personalities seem “balanced” in Rosenfels taxonomy, which makes discerning polarity more difficult.)

I say that I was lightyears away from conventional heterosexual adaptation, but in another sense I was millimeters away.  With slight changes in biology or circumstance, I could have been heterosexual and wanted marriage and still experienced myself as almost the same person.  It’s the “almost” that is tough.  It’s  more or less a topology problem of “connectedness”.  I may be close to the “reproductive” state in terms of a mathematical measure space, but I’m separated by some kind of discontinuity or singularity.  This seems to get into physics as much as biology. Maybe quantum physics.
   
I have gotten the impression, at times, that others expected me to exhibit the same sorts of feelings and passions, for real women and babies, rather than the “upward affiliating” fantasies that I enjoy.
Maybe this isn’t a moral question but just a practical one.  The writers are clearly setting up the possibility that Will and Sonny could raise Will’s daughter as gay dads.  (There is one mommy and “three daddies”.)  And Will seems powerful, able to manipulate the normally self-confident Sonny by messaging Sonny’s ears! (at the end of today’s episode).  Sonny may find that raising someone else’s child (which he is obviously capable of doing) as an adoptive co-parent  may be the best way to make the rest of his life work.  And Sonny is no Jean Valjean; Will’s daughter will not be a Cosette.
  
Anyone could, even in the “gay world”, find himself stepping into a parenting opportunity when getting into a relationship.  In all these years of MCC, the Cathedral of Hope, and liberal mainstream churches in Dallas, Minneapolis, and Washington, I’ve never heard this point made in a sermon. 

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